Blog 11 - Day Of The Brain Operation

We got to the hospital in good time but as usual it was a lot of waiting around. I guess that's why they are called Waiting Rooms.
At first it may seem strange that there is not a lot I can remember about such an important event in my life but with so much happening...
The day was full of waiting around.

When I eventually went in for the general anaesthetic there was the anaesthetist and plenty of specialists and also a student who did seem to know her stuff.
Now my memory is well known for being...er...forgetful. But I do remember waking up in resuscitation with some people arguing about something. It's strange how I can always remember waking up in resus but soon as they start to move me to a ward...I forget until I get to the ward.
I was feeling awful – especially my chest. My head felt fine. You would think otherwise wouldn't you? Lucinda turned up from nowhere holding a strawberry yogurt and a spoon. Wow...that yogurt was the most wonderful thing I had ever tasted.
You know – ever since then I have loved yogurts. Can't get enough of them. I don't know if it's the coolness or something else. The woman in the bed across from me (yes, I found that strange – a mixed ward), was eating loads of yogurt; along with loads of ice cream. Her was bringing MacDonald’s in by the cartload along with...MacDonald's ice cream.

All through the night there was a woman who was convinced she was being held captive.
“Help...Help...they are holding me prisoner......!
The problem was they didn't have space for her anywhere else – none of the other wards had spare beds. In time she was moved into a ward a bit further up the corridor but everyone could still hear her.

I thought it quite peculiar that the very next day Lucie was able to take me home...the very following day. And so she did...minus one rather large tumour from my brain.

Blog 10 - The Hotel

Today we are setting off for Southampton. We need to get to the hotel that we will be staying at tonight. Tomorrow is Operation Brain Operation . . . err . . . we may need to re-title that one . . . ha  ha ha . . . .
I am finding it hard to believe that someone is going to cut my head open, have a peek inside my head, cut some stuff out, staple it all back together then send me back home . . . The very next day. The very next day – Are they crazy?
I had better not think of that...a brain surgeon operating on my head who is crazy???

So off we set on a lovely Sunday outing – not a care in the world . . . . Me? Worried?

All the way there, we were talking history.
Eleanor of Aquitaine & Henry II. I always seem to forget Eleanor's name. No idea why things I am so interested in, I foget so easily.
Lucie was testing me – well it stopped me thinking about other matters.
The Hundred Year War.
The War of the Roses.
Southampton is quite a way for us to travel but The Hundred Year War & The War or the Roses is a lot of years to get in before we get there.
If this sounds stuffy & boring, you should have heard some of the conversation – Ha ha ha. And of course, some of the things we talked about had us in stitches...oops...ok...we laughed a lot.

Finally, we got to the hotel (quite easily & quickly). Then we had to think of food – we went back out and drove around but all we could find was a MacDonald’s. We took our place in the queue for the drive-through. I decided to have a plain cheese burger (no salad). The person serving said “OK, so that's a cheese burger without cheese is it?” 
No – that would be a burger surely.
“Oh yes . . .”
That person went and explained to the other person who was making up the order (as it was so complex).
We waited . . . . and waited . . . . and then it arrived. Looking good, cheese burger box, note on saying 'plain cheese burger'. I opened the box just to check – ah yes, a burger, a cheese burger without cheese – ha ha ha. We – ok  well Lucie took it back; they just didn't get it at all.

That night we watched a program about a tribe whose whole culture is based around a bartering system with no money exchanging at all. Of course, because of the tourist trade, that is all changing now – so sad.

I am not sure why but I was quite calm and relaxed to say I would be going in to hospital the very next day for a brain operation. We were both feeling quite 'up' and joking around. I just knew everything would go OK . . . . sort of . . . .

Blog 9 - The Kindness Of Strangers

Saturday and for some peculiar reason, we both seem rather calm. I did think it would be all panic stations. But I have to say that I am glad – we really need a rest. Lucinda is running herself into the ground. 

Anyway, we really have spent all day laughing and joking and feeling quite up . . . Just don't think too much about Monday because laughter really is the best medicine and love is the drug I'm thinking of. . . . Damn you Roxy Music – I thought I'd written a song for a second there!

Last night (Friday), I got a Facebook message from an artist & illustrator whom I have admired for a long time now. A message of support and just at the right time. He told me he had lost the vision in one of his eyes (left one too), in his last year of art school. And let me tell you; that has not stopped him being an incredible artist, illustrator & teacher. The relief from reading those words. OK, I shake quite a lot at the moment but I do think (even if I have to change my style), I will still be drawing and painting. 

The kindness of strangers has been wonderful. 

Earlier on I mentioned the calmness that kind of fell upon us but things were not as relaxing as it all sounds. Messages were pouring in on Facebook. Some of the kindest things I have read on there. People had taken the time to write lovely messages and we were going to answer as many as we could. Of course, after hours of trying to reply to as many lovely people as we could – we found it impossible. Lucinda was replying all day and well into the evening. To anyone who didn't get a reply, we are genuinely sorry.

The kindness of strangers has been wonderful. 

Another artist and massive influence on me is going through terrible times with cancer too. Unfortunately for him, he lives in America where there is no National Health Service. I am lucky, living in this country means I get treatment on the NHS. No such thing in the USA. People need health insurance. But even then, as with this artist, they are wriggling out of paying. When I read this, I was so upset. I just couldn't stop the tears. Money, money that someone had paid into insurance just in case of some dreadful illness came knocking at his door, was more important to that company than a man's life. I know some wonderful artists have been trying to raise funds for the treatment, which is astronomical. At least it shows some people care in this upside down world.
The kindness of strangers.

Lucinda had recorded a Bill Bailey concert on that magic box thing that says Sky. I just couldn't stop laughing. Bill Bailey, a big box of liquorice and my wife by my side . . . . Heaven . . . . ha ha ha . . . . 

Then we went to bed – thinking about the kindness of strangers.

Blog 8 - Big News : The Operation Date

We had Jo coming round for a visit today. She is home on her break from Kent University. And good to see her it was; she was looking well.
We were just talking when the phone rang....Gulp...!
Double Gulp....!
Lucinda answered the phone.....Surely it can't be that I've got a date for the operation?

OK....I've got the date for the operation...!

Monday 11th May....yes, on Monday morning. Big Cartoon Gulp!
 How quick was that? I only had the MRI planner scan yesterday.
We needed to book a hotel near the hospital as I had to get there early in the morning and Lucinda had somewhere to sleep on Monday night. But of course, we couldn't book before as we had no idea when the operation was going to be. So now Lucie had to start ringing round to find a hotel near enough & borrow money for petrol and the hotel. And thanks to family & Lucinda's hard work, she got that sorted quickly.
One day left – Saturday and then we were setting off to Southampton for the hotel on Sunday night.

Blog 7

Today we are going on a road trip to Southampton General Hospital. That means picking music for the journey, something we always say we will do the night before but always leave until the last second before we set off. Of course we left it until the morning then...err....forgot. You would think - music, being so important to us, I would remember to gather a few CD's. That's all I had to do as Lucie does everything else.

One of those things that Lucinda does when we go to the hospital, is make a cracking pack-up. She had made some gorgeous fruit bread yesterday, which made the whole house (in fact, street, according to Conor last night.....ha ha), smell wonderful. And there was chocolate biscuits (she ppp...picked up a Penguin – well one each actually.)
Second outing in the wheelchair
And of course while we were at the hospital, Lucie had a beautiful beef stew cooking away in the slow cooker.

We are at the hospital today so I can have a MRI planner head scan. I was wheeled into a changing room and given a gown....1 gown. I normally get given 2. You need two, one for the front and one to cover...well your behind. “I'll be back in a second to wheel you into the scanning room. Have you ever been scanned before?”
Ha ha – a few times, yes – six years worth!
To be honest, I think that nurse forgot about me. I was in there ages but that's OK, it gave me a little time to think about if I should make this blog live or just keep it as a personal diary.

Everything went well though – except one nurse/radiographer dropping and making a stunning catch of some very expensive equipment. And I didn't end up at the bottom of the hill inside The Cove Inn.....Shame really.....

Blog 6

What's going on here??? Day 6???
I was going to write on the occasional day but so far, since thinking I should just go live I've written everyday. It can't last..actually while I'm in hospital it will have to stop.
Today is meant to be a day off where I was hoping that Lucinda may get a rest but she never stops. Cooking, cleaning, looking after me. She had to go collect a parcel from the sorting office and then pick up my medication. would you believe it...the steroids and the Tramadol are missing. To be honest, I'm OK for Tramadol but really need the steroids. Lucinda rang Dr Mason (who has been fantastic) and he has sorted it out. But really, it was down to Lucinda again.

I wrote on Facebook about yesterday's adventures and results. A stripped-down version as there was so much that went on. I did it for the same reasons I write this blog...
1. My sanity.
2. Lucinda's sanity.
3. Maybe there is someone reading this who finds it a little helpful.

Yesterday was the Grand Red Cross Wheelchair Unveiling/Launching. What jolly fun...ha ha! I felt awful, Lucinda struggling to push me while I just sat there. But she was marvellous. She handled that thing like a real pro. I sat there like a real idiot. But we laughed. How I wasn't tipped out of that contraption at the top of High Street I'll never know but -  she kept control (High Street on Portland is steep). If she ever loses it there I'll be flying down the hill until I hit the sea. On the other hand, I may end up in The Cove Inn and someone could take pity on me and buy me a pint...
'Get two in, Lucinda will be here very soon.'

Lucinda posted these today on my Facebook page thing...

Thank you my Darling. There are two kinds of gratitude:
The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give. From the day you walked into my life, you're all I think about. You’re the reason I breathe. You are the stars in my sky. I am what I am because of you, I am so very proud of you, you are an inspirational, courageous, kind, wonderful and loving man . . . . My husband.
 “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”— Lao Tzu

What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
~~Author unknown

Isn't that superb?

Ooooh....and we had some of Lucinda's Ginger Ice Cream...Wow!!!

Blog 5 - Mr Grundy

I didn't have the best of nights last night. As always, I took a sleeping pill but couldn't get to sleep. When I finally got to sleep I kept waking up. A lot on my mind I guess as this is what is happening today...

We have two appointments today at Southampton General.
The first is scheduled for 1:15pm – Pre-Assessment C Brain Operation, I do believe that is at the Neurology Department.
The second is to meet Mr Grundy at 2:30pm – Neurological Outpatients Southampton.
We are hoping for positive news that he can reach the tumour and be able to operate. I looked up Mr Grundy online and it seems he is a top surgeon in his field (hope he's OK in the operating theatre too). He specialises in wide-awake brain surgery, I'm quite glad he will be awake. I feel very optimistic about this meeting but there is a little trepidation.

Just been told by Lucinda, that she has put some more vanilla ice cream on (no, not wearing it, although if it wasn't so cold, I could) – so I will be looking forward to that later, I can tell you.

Side View.

I thought those headaches were getting worse.

Great (if very scary) news!!
I had the meeting with the surgeon Mr Grundy and he can get to the tumour – he can operate. I had the pre-op earlier today so all is set.
The tumour is big and he can't do it while I am awake. I am quite glad about that as I bet it would  tickle a bit).

I thought that if he could operate, it would be in a few weeks at least but I'm having it done next week. I was speechless...
When I said "Next week...!",
He said, "If I leave it any longer you won't be here to operate on."
It's a really close timeline – without the operation I have a few weeks left – maybe eight weeks. He said he hasn't even time to even take biopsies.

There are risks besides the obvious not getting through the op - there is a high risk of me going blind in my left eye, possibly both, fits, epilepsy. But as Mr Grundy said, "You can turn down the operation if you don't like the risks but the worst one will then definitely happen and soon."

It all sounds bad but Mr Grundy is the top NHS brain surgeon in this country. The BBC and Channel 4 have both made documentaries about him. He said I'll never be cancer free and this is all palliative treatment but I'll take that. They can't get all the tiny cancer cells from my bloodstream but I've known that since 2010. He can't make me any better than I am now but he thinks he can get the tumour out in one go which should stop these symptoms getting worse.

I have tomorrow off then we go to Southampton on Thursday for a planner MRI head scan. I should get an actual date any day now.

Top down view showing tumour & some of the swelling caused by it.

When this is all done I just have the chest operation after the brain recovery which should be very soon as that is also urgent. Never a dull life eh? Always something to look forward to...

Blog 4

Woke up this morning (which is always a good thing) looking forward to starting a little drawing in my Faces sketchbook – using those lovely Derwent pencils Lucinda bought for me. Although I'm really tired, the reason in truth was I chickened-out. I ended up playing around with Google Chrome (I usually use Firefox being an animal lover) and other sites like Evernote, Dropbox etc oh and Blogger. What a procrastinator! 

I did manage to download a book from Dorset Library Services. A book I've wanted to read for a while. A Brief History Of The Hundred Years War by Desmond Seward. Not only that, I got it onto my Kobo. Crazy really, as I'm still reading The Plantagenets: The Warrior Kings and Queens Who Made England by Dan Jones. Oh and Murder On The Orient Express by Agatha Christie – Do you know, it's a fact that I am the only person on the planet who hasn't seen the film? Possibly. 

I finished a book last night called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, which I borrowed from the library. A book about how we think without thinking, about choices that seem to be made in an instant - in the blink of an eye - that actually aren't as simple as they seem. 

I had a bath this afternoon...yes I know – big news but it is hard work when the world is noticeably moving. Having a shave and washing my hair was difficult but not impossible. 

Lucinda made a delicious sausage casserole for tea – it's always delicious but today it had an extra bit of delectableness in it. Afterwards...Lucinda's extraordinary ginger ice cream. Wow, that is the most wonderful ice cream ever – I do believe that a bowl of this could cure anything. Well I'm watching Ross Noble on the old TV box and Lucinda is making me a sketchbook/pencil/brush and small art gadgets bag (she is also watching TV as she can multi-task). Then we watched Safe House then off to bed.

Blog 3 - Yes...Day Three!

Beth and Teach came round today – with Rowan and Corvin of course. Just in time, as Lucinda had just made the most delectable strawberry ice cream; made with real fresh strawberry's. I guess Beth knew as she had brought some wafer cones....smashing. 
I spent quite a bit of time working out the best way to write this blog – both from a 'what to write' and 'when will this blinking blogger begin to behave?' Kind of way.
Fantastic tea tonight (as usual). Lamb mashed potatoes, veg, gravy, mint sauce and ice cream – we had the ice cream on a different dish.
Maybe I should change the name of this blog to 'Daily Dairy.'
How about: Stew's Brain Drain?
Stew's Brain Drain...Perfect!

Blog 2 - Still Here!

Day 2 – And I know what you're thinking. I'm doing great eh?

Well I must admit I wasn't too sure I would just end up going to bed, sleeping, waking-up and forgetting all about it.

Interesting day today. Look what arrived....

One Lovely Moleskine Watercolour Sketchbook.

I was over the moon I can tell you. My beautiful wife had sent off for this lovely Moleskine Watercolour Sketchbook. I think these things are great. And the size is perfect for me. I just hope I can use it without spending too much time worrying about ruining it. The whole point is just to sketch & paint for fun...making marks.

Lucinda has been making something much more important; ice cream – Rum & Raisin and Vanilla this afternoon. She really has a knack for creating the most wonderful things. She made pasta and meatballs in a lovely sauce for tea. Then we watched The Hobbit 2 with Conor. While watching this film, Lucinda brought us the ice cream to taste...it was delicious...! Conor got tired and of course, he had to get up early the next day for work so he went to bed half-way through but we watched it all. I still have my doubts about the Hobbit. I would like to like but...I just think they stretched a little book just that bit too far. Not really bad but... 

Blog 1 - The Very First Post

    We’ve decided to try and keep a diary. A joint collaboration between myself, Stew Crowther & my wife, Lucinda Crowther.
Not a daily diary even though it was going to be called Daily Diary. No...I already knew that wouldn’t work. But we will try to keep up as much as possible.
I think I will just chuck anything and everything into this. Artwork, photos...but also it could be useful to keep a record of my health and what is happening to both of us.
I do not know if this blog will ever go public; I just needed somewhere to get our thoughts down. But like a lot in life – things could change and we may go public. Of course – who would ever want to read this?
Good question.
Well, we are hoping that we can try our very best to make cancer just a little less scary for people.

* Update * We have decided to go live with this blog and hopefully it will be of interest to some people.

A lot of people when they find out they have cancer have only a rough idea what will happen next. A lot of people, straight away lose all hope. But it is amazing what a little love, laughter, positivity, humour and gratitude for your family and friends can do. We always try to look on the bright side of everything; It really does help. The amount of times we have been sat in a waiting room for almost certain bad news whilst chuckling away saying the most crazy stuff to each other...ha ha...the looks you can get. But this can really help to relieve the fear & tension.
    Oh, and it is the 1st of May. Always a good time to start anything new if you ask me.

One more thing: Please know & feel free that you can to write to us if ever you want to. In fact, we would love to hear from you. And there are a few ways to get in touch -
1. You could leave a comment on one of the posts on here Brain Drain
2. Email stewsbraindrain@outlook.com

    So here goes…

First a little bit of positive news from 2013/14.
 In October 2013, I had my second lung operation. But by December, I had found a lump which turned out, after scans, to be bowel & lung cancer. Things didn't look very good. I was told the best thing would be to have all my bowel removed – which would entail plastic surgery. It would be a large operation. If that went well, they would then talk about the lung operation.
We both needed time to think about going through all this when in all likelihood, with my history it could all still come back somewhere else. We had from February to May to decide.
It was decided the best thing to do by May was chemotherapy & radiotherapy.
From the back end of May 2014 then June & July, I went through chemotherapy. And from the back end of August through September, I had chemotherapy and radiotherapy including a week in hospital from an infection. In October, I had scans to see how it had all gone. In November I had CT, MRI & PET scans and a colonoscopy.
On November 17th, which was Lucinda's birthday – we had an appointment to see the bowel surgeon. We went expecting nothing but bad news.
He told us that he couldn't find anything there at all. All clear without an operation. It seemed that the chemotherapy & radiotherapy had worked really well. I was called an enigma...ha ha. It was such a great birthday present for Lucie.

We decided to go visit family in Yorkshire, Lancashire and the North East just after Christmas until New Year. While away, I started to have problems with my vision – flashing and a little blurring and a few headaches. I had an appointment at the opticians so I told them about this and the referred me to the Eye Hospital. But they didn't find anything wrong.

It was coming up to our first wedding anniversary, so in the middle of March 2015, we decided on a trip to Northumbria (somewhere we had always wanted to visit)  and see family again. We never had chance for a real honeymoon the year before. While away, the headaches became really bad with crippling pressure in my head and dreadful dizziness and nausea getting worse by the day. Lots of times I just had to go to bed while on holiday.

On Tuesday 7th of April I saw the doctor who set up a CT scan for the 18th.
By Monday 13th, I fell really sick and went to bed. Lucie called the GP who called the paramedics. They rushed me to hospital. I ended up in hospital until the Friday. I was due a CT head scan on the Saturday18th but they rushed it through to the Wednesday. Result being I have a brain tumour.

* Back up to date *

    Yesterday, we eventually get the phone call we have been waiting for. It was from the Southampton Neurological Department – so it looks like I have acquired another specialist nurse to my ever growing cancer team. It also looks like they think they may be able to operate on my brain tumour as I have three appointments for next week, which of course, is very positive news.
  Tuesday 5th May, 1:15 Pre Assessment C Southampton. And then 2:30 on the same day, an appointment with Mr Grundy at the Neurological Outpatients Ward. And then again on Thursday 7th May, another MRI brain scan.
    I really do not think they would be setting up all these appointments if they didn’t think they could do anything but radiotherapy. Come to think of it; I'm not even sure who is going to be my Oncologist yet.

    And in other news...
These arrived today....

 What we artists like to call a pencil sharpener

.

 A travel brush.

 A travel brush coming together.

 A Escoda travel brush together.

A few Derwent Graphitint pencils.